Growing Pains

Parenting is so wonderful and yet such a challenge at times. Today was one of the first times when I've seen Xander start to "test the waters" of rebellion. It wasn't anything big, to most people it would be laughable even. He IS five and a half, and beyond his years in so many ways. I'm sure I tested my mother long before I was his age.

It was just a little thing, we'd been at the park with play-group for over 2 hours. Xander had been "sensitive" all day... every little thing that went wrong would provoke tears or anger. I knew he was tired and I wasn't surprised that he showed it, but it hurt a bit just the same.

As I was getting Tennyson into our car, Xander was saying "good-bye" to his best friend and I warned him not to climb into said friends car and that we needed to go. He said his goodbyes and came toward me, then turned and ran back into the other mini-van. I said I'd count to 3 and got to "2", he came, but was very mad. He looks me in the eye and says "I wish Michelle had 4 boys instead of just 3!" And stormed off into his seat. I understood that he was mad and I know it's natural for kids to see others lives as "better" than their own. Being who I am however, it gave me pause and I haven't been able to get it out of my thoughts for the rest of the evening.

What was he saying by this statement? Do I demand too much of him? Am I not the "fun" mother I used to be?... Thinking about it, I can't remember the last time I just sat down with him and FOCUSED on playing. We have a lot of fun together and I spend one-on-one time with him every day at least for school if not just talking or helping him with some project or another. But when was the last time I fostered just fun "nothing" time?

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.”

Winnie the Pooh

Of course, today/tonight when I really want to change and give Xander a fun day tomorrow, ... I have much to accomplish. Still, I suppose that too is a lesson for me, ... what can I NOT do tomorrow

"I Mommy's Little Baby"

My little Tennyson, aka "Tata" aka the "Tatanator"... You are growing so fast, ... hard to believe that you are almost the age that Xander was when I got pregnant with you!

You are my little smiler, and today you were so sweet, so "connected"... I love how you look deep into my eyes and have no urge to look away. You and your brother seem to be able to delve into my soul and see the secrets there. The feeling I get when I hold you in my arms and we are forehead to forehead, mere inches apart, our eyes meeting... I feel an all encompassing peace, a sense of rightness and perfection and wholeness all in one. God has created such an amazing state of being with parenthood. To have this child who is part of you and your soul-mate, and your parents and grandparents who have come before, and to see the glimpses of your heritage through the veil of their own little beings is just incredible! And then, the glimpses are gone and they are just themselves, ... this complete, whole, unique soul who is the greatest gift you could have for the few precious years you have them with you.

Thank-you God for this gift of motherhood...


Tennyson was in a "baby" mood today, not acting like a baby, but analyzing his "place" in our family. He wanted to snuggle a lot and said in the afternoon, "I Mama's little baby" ... "I a baby, Mommy" Oh, but you're getting to be such a big boy Tennyson! "NO, I a baby Mama." ! :)

The boys are so different from each other, even at this age of 2 years. Tennyson seems to be a bit more of a "rebel", testing the limits and giving a little endearing grin as he does so! At this age Xander didn't have to be told "no" as much. He was the typical firstborn not wanting to do anything "wrong". Yet Tennyson is such a caring soul, ... he sincerely wants to share most everything and I'm constantly amazed at his selflessness. Last night when we were heading to bed he says goodnight to Dad and then says "enjoy your game!" as he leaves the room! (Xander at his age would have cried because he wanted to play the game too and not go to bed!) Tennyson will be the one to "take care of me" his dad says :) I remember when he was just a baby, if he ever thought I was getting hurt or even when I'd go to the dr. for a check-up and had to lie on the table, he would just get so worked up! Little Tennyson has a sense of humor too, ... today he made a joke and approached Sebastian, ... "You're the Dadinator!" Needless to say we cracked up! He's tough little boy too, very high pain tolerance, ... in fact the only time he really cries is when his feelings are hurt! (Another difference from his brother, though even Xander has never been one to fuss and whine over every scrape. Xander WILL let you know in no uncertain terms though when he's hurt, ... the entire store, restaurant, or park knows it! )

I love that the boys are so unique though, ... I wondered before I met Tata if he'd just be Xander's little shadow. Apparently Sebastian's and my independence has won out in the gene pool and both boys are extremely self-assured and confident in their own views. I don't worry much about peer pressure for either of them thank-fully!

Little Tennyson, ... as your mom I'm relishing this time when you are still "my baby". I know we'd like to have another child and I feel that it will be soon. I hope you, my little "Tata", don't have too tough a time giving up your "place" as the baby. I love you so much my little blue-eyed boy. Sleep well tonight.