Just when I feel full to bursting with happiness and joy, more is added to my life. Sometimes I feel like this must already be heaven, ... that somehow a past life was forgotten and this is perfection. If only it could last for an eternity...
How did I get so blessed with such a husband and three such wonderful boys? Every thing I could have possibly wished for Sebastian to be, he IS. Amazing how each day with your soul-mate can be more wonderful than the next, even with tiredness from raising three little ones and working and house repair and lessons and homework and LIFE, still my heart swells each morning when I look over at my sleeping Love and hear his breathing, feel his warmth beside me.
And Xander, my firstborn. You have grown in leaps and bounds this summer and especially the last 2 weeks since school has started!. We had the best summer, just having you around all day and getting to see you play with your brothers. So many wonderful memories that I will treasure always.
I'm so proud of you, my little 7-year-old going on 25! The things you talk about with us lately, ... philosophy, religion, science, crazy mathematical problems, and reading SO MUCH! It's so wonderful being your mom! I just hope you know how very proud I am and how thankful I am each day that you are not only my son, but my friend.
Tennyson, little (but not so little anymore!) Tennyson. You were such a dear tonight, ... you've been battling a cold and I felt badly that I didn't spend the time I wanted to with you today. What with Urizen and Zack and meals and school for Xander, other than some times doing reading with you, I didn't get to "see" you like I wanted to! And then, the baby went to sleep early and I got to hold you while we watched "3 Amigos", ... you snuggled into me, saying "you're nice and warm, Mama", and I remembered how you were just so little just a bit ago!
Then tonight in bed, ... after prayers and lights out, you pulled me in tight, and said "Mama, will you hold me forever?"...and I said I wished I could, ... and you said "please Mom, hold me until you die!". Ah me, ... how does my middle son manage to grab my heart-strings so? (Is it because he resembles his dad so at this age?) How could I EVER let go of my little snuggler to go do house-work?!?!?
And Urizen, ... at the start of your toddlerhood! You take 3-4 ateps in a row now and are SO proud of yourself! How I love this stage, and yet how exciting that in the next year we'll get to hear all the things you are thinking and feeling and see what a glorious little person you are becoming! Right now you LOVE "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and will "read" it to yourself at least 5 times a day! (You find it and look through the pages saying "brooowww beeaaayy, brooowww beaaay" over and over!). Not yet a year yet my darling and still I see you following in your brother's footsteps of overachieving! You are a bit more advanced in "fine motor" skills it seems however, and you LOVE figuring out how things "fit" or work together!
It's so wonderful seeing how unique each of you three is.
How I treasure motherhood, and how I hope and pray for many, many years to come to enjoy it!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Dear God, ....
Tonight's bedtime was so sweet, and so different for each boy!
First there was Urizen, my little monkey! He LOVES to play, and every time I put him in our bed he crawls away as fast as possible to play "peek a boo" ;)! He turns to look at me, peering over his shoulder and giving me the sweetest, "melt your heart" look ever. He was tired though and even though squirming for a bit, fell asleep nursing and holding on to me, snuggled close. ...I love how his little body still fits so perfectly next to mine, ...how fast he is growing, how incredible that nearly a year has passed since we gazed into each others eyes for the first time! How I wish I could hold on to these moments more. My baby, my dear one, ... my sweet little Uri.
Tennyson's prayer tonight was the most memorable and the reason for this note. After the usual struggle to get to bed ;) ...he finally snuggled next to me, tucking his legs between mine as he said "I have to put them inside because YOU'RE warm, mama", and then he said: "Thank-you God for a really nice day, ... and you're welcome for living forever like you do, ...I wish I was like God, a God, the 4th God and could live always too," ... at which point Xander pipes up, "you WILL live forever, ...here on earth 'till you're old, then you'll die and then you'll live in Heaven", ... but little Tennyson cried a bit and said, "but I don't like death and dying, ... I like this earth and I want to live forever HERE!" ... OH! my sweet boys, thinking such deep thoughts and feeling so tremendously already! I pray that I give you guidance and wisdom and that the Lord helps me to raise you in the right way.
Xander, my little 7 year-old going on 13! You feel everything so deeply and are such an amazing boy. Justice runs strong in you and the world can be a tough place sometimes. You care so deeply for everything, even the cicadas, spiders and ants you find. You won't let anyone around you harm any living thing. (I LOVE your sweet nature and I'm SO SO SO proud of the amazing person you're becoming!)
Tonight you were all about the cuddling, ... hugs and kisses and many "I love you's". I feel like you realize how fast you're growing up and you want to hold on to it as much as I do! I'm so glad you're as attached as you are, and yet that you're as mature and grown-up and able to handle the world as well. God has blessed me so much with you!
I love you my 3 boys, ... I'm so blessed to have you and your Dad to complete me!
First there was Urizen, my little monkey! He LOVES to play, and every time I put him in our bed he crawls away as fast as possible to play "peek a boo" ;)! He turns to look at me, peering over his shoulder and giving me the sweetest, "melt your heart" look ever. He was tired though and even though squirming for a bit, fell asleep nursing and holding on to me, snuggled close. ...I love how his little body still fits so perfectly next to mine, ...how fast he is growing, how incredible that nearly a year has passed since we gazed into each others eyes for the first time! How I wish I could hold on to these moments more. My baby, my dear one, ... my sweet little Uri.
Tennyson's prayer tonight was the most memorable and the reason for this note. After the usual struggle to get to bed ;) ...he finally snuggled next to me, tucking his legs between mine as he said "I have to put them inside because YOU'RE warm, mama", and then he said: "Thank-you God for a really nice day, ... and you're welcome for living forever like you do, ...I wish I was like God, a God, the 4th God and could live always too," ... at which point Xander pipes up, "you WILL live forever, ...here on earth 'till you're old, then you'll die and then you'll live in Heaven", ... but little Tennyson cried a bit and said, "but I don't like death and dying, ... I like this earth and I want to live forever HERE!" ... OH! my sweet boys, thinking such deep thoughts and feeling so tremendously already! I pray that I give you guidance and wisdom and that the Lord helps me to raise you in the right way.
Xander, my little 7 year-old going on 13! You feel everything so deeply and are such an amazing boy. Justice runs strong in you and the world can be a tough place sometimes. You care so deeply for everything, even the cicadas, spiders and ants you find. You won't let anyone around you harm any living thing. (I LOVE your sweet nature and I'm SO SO SO proud of the amazing person you're becoming!)
Tonight you were all about the cuddling, ... hugs and kisses and many "I love you's". I feel like you realize how fast you're growing up and you want to hold on to it as much as I do! I'm so glad you're as attached as you are, and yet that you're as mature and grown-up and able to handle the world as well. God has blessed me so much with you!
I love you my 3 boys, ... I'm so blessed to have you and your Dad to complete me!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Moments and Musings
Three boys, ... So much love and so much joy, ... how am I SO blessed ?
The ages of 7, 4 and only 7 months are so different and so uniquely amazing.
My Xander is growing up so fast (wasn't it just yesterday he was a baby in my arms?!?!?). School and lessons and new friends and new challenges... life is accelerating! Xander is such an incredible human being already, at only age 7. I'm constantly amazed at his maturity and kindness, understanding and unselfishness. He is so smart and yet not prideful, ... he's the head of his class right now in reading (level 27+ and the closest to him is a girl reading at level 23). Xander enjoys school I can tell, yet every day it seems he's a bit tearful with wanting to "be with YOU Mom!". I think it's wonderful to have him learning and growing as he is in a school environment, yet I miss him and sometimes wonder if school is the right place for him. Still, I know in my heart that it is, and Lincoln is wonderful. I look forward to the years to come with more challenging material as I see him reveling in that. Every day he has things to share (I'm SO grateful we have that kind of relationship!) We work through issues and try to find solutions, and I hope that as he grows he realizes how incredibly proud I am of him! He is going to go amazing places in his life and I pray every day that God will bring him happiness and joy in who he is.
Little Tennyson (NOT so little!) He is so like his big brother at times and yet so VERY unique! How do two people's genetic material produce such incredible variation? (Of course, every soul is so individual, how can I be surprised?!??!) 4 years old is so wonderful and so amazing (and so challenging too!) Tennyson is so introspective lately, thinking so deeply about life and death and God and reality and fantasy and EVERYTHING it seems! The other day he tells me "Mom, (not Mommy or Mama anymore he says!) ... God and Jesus are all mixed up and yet not, ... aren't they?" I know I've spoken with him about Jesus and about God and I may have said how Jesus wasn't just God's son, but God himself, but this still blew me away that he would have a grasp of the Trinity at age 4! He's so sweet and I realize that despite his tendency to go into his own world and tune out everything else (SO like his father in that!), he really does take it seriously when he realizes that he's made a mistake. Last week he was so upset about misbehaving and losing video game privileges that he hung his head and ran off saying "I am SO stupid!" Of course I corrected him and in talking with him, he informed me that he wished he could "rewind the days" and go back to before he misbehaved! Oh my sweet little guy:)
He also has been concerned with death lately. I remember Xander going through the same thing at this age. Tennyson said in the car yesterday "if we get to the day we're going to die I want God to rewind the days to THIS day" (I guess he knew we hadn't died on THAT day!)
Tennyson is also SO loving and sweet to his baby brother! He loves to "hold Urizen's hand!" I TOTALLY understand! Urizen's little hands are so soft and wonderful to caress, ... I wish I could do so forever! Tennys0n simply ADORES his baby brother. I hope that they have a great relationship in the future :)
And then there is my baby. Urizen Maximilian, ... my little snuggle bug and sincere little bundle of love. He gives the best kisses and the way he holds on to me and pulls me close just makes me melt. I hope I always remember how his little hands feel on my skin and fondling my hair. His laugh is incredible, so full, so joyous, so without hesitation and falsity. I don't know if we'll have another baby and so I treasure every glance, every giggle, every smile of joy and look of love. He's sitting up now and rolling all over, and signing "light" and saying "cup" and "cold" and "Dadda" and now "nainai' (meaning "night-night" or "nee-nee" I can't tell). I feel my heart will burst sometimes with the sheer joy of my life at this moment!
I'm so blessed and happy to have 3 sons, ... God is great in His plan!
(Here's a quote that a friend shared, I love it and hope my boys stay close always, at least in spirit!)
There must be a special place in heaven for mothers of three sons. You certainly can tell them on earth. They’re those ladies with amused, bemused faces and an amazing tolerance for disaster – for they have learned that shouting doesn’t help.
No other combination of children, not even twins, can create so much chaos or camaraderie. Even the most introspective child will join the team – them against you – and like all good players, they encourage each other to bigger feats of daring.
We recommend the advice of so many successful mothers of three boys. Give them as much outdoor playtime as possible, and indoors, set up two rooms: one for sleeping, with nothing but beds and bureaus, and the other for playing, with much climbing equipment. With three children, one is bound to be quieter than the others and he probably will need a corner somewhere else.
You will be frazzled in the early years but when your boys grow up, we think you’ll find yourself perhaps more treasured than most other mothers.
I treasure every moment I'm given with my little "princes of men"! Thank-you God!
The ages of 7, 4 and only 7 months are so different and so uniquely amazing.
My Xander is growing up so fast (wasn't it just yesterday he was a baby in my arms?!?!?). School and lessons and new friends and new challenges... life is accelerating! Xander is such an incredible human being already, at only age 7. I'm constantly amazed at his maturity and kindness, understanding and unselfishness. He is so smart and yet not prideful, ... he's the head of his class right now in reading (level 27+ and the closest to him is a girl reading at level 23). Xander enjoys school I can tell, yet every day it seems he's a bit tearful with wanting to "be with YOU Mom!". I think it's wonderful to have him learning and growing as he is in a school environment, yet I miss him and sometimes wonder if school is the right place for him. Still, I know in my heart that it is, and Lincoln is wonderful. I look forward to the years to come with more challenging material as I see him reveling in that. Every day he has things to share (I'm SO grateful we have that kind of relationship!) We work through issues and try to find solutions, and I hope that as he grows he realizes how incredibly proud I am of him! He is going to go amazing places in his life and I pray every day that God will bring him happiness and joy in who he is.
Little Tennyson (NOT so little!) He is so like his big brother at times and yet so VERY unique! How do two people's genetic material produce such incredible variation? (Of course, every soul is so individual, how can I be surprised?!??!) 4 years old is so wonderful and so amazing (and so challenging too!) Tennyson is so introspective lately, thinking so deeply about life and death and God and reality and fantasy and EVERYTHING it seems! The other day he tells me "Mom, (not Mommy or Mama anymore he says!) ... God and Jesus are all mixed up and yet not, ... aren't they?" I know I've spoken with him about Jesus and about God and I may have said how Jesus wasn't just God's son, but God himself, but this still blew me away that he would have a grasp of the Trinity at age 4! He's so sweet and I realize that despite his tendency to go into his own world and tune out everything else (SO like his father in that!), he really does take it seriously when he realizes that he's made a mistake. Last week he was so upset about misbehaving and losing video game privileges that he hung his head and ran off saying "I am SO stupid!" Of course I corrected him and in talking with him, he informed me that he wished he could "rewind the days" and go back to before he misbehaved! Oh my sweet little guy:)
He also has been concerned with death lately. I remember Xander going through the same thing at this age. Tennyson said in the car yesterday "if we get to the day we're going to die I want God to rewind the days to THIS day" (I guess he knew we hadn't died on THAT day!)
Tennyson is also SO loving and sweet to his baby brother! He loves to "hold Urizen's hand!" I TOTALLY understand! Urizen's little hands are so soft and wonderful to caress, ... I wish I could do so forever! Tennys0n simply ADORES his baby brother. I hope that they have a great relationship in the future :)
And then there is my baby. Urizen Maximilian, ... my little snuggle bug and sincere little bundle of love. He gives the best kisses and the way he holds on to me and pulls me close just makes me melt. I hope I always remember how his little hands feel on my skin and fondling my hair. His laugh is incredible, so full, so joyous, so without hesitation and falsity. I don't know if we'll have another baby and so I treasure every glance, every giggle, every smile of joy and look of love. He's sitting up now and rolling all over, and signing "light" and saying "cup" and "cold" and "Dadda" and now "nainai' (meaning "night-night" or "nee-nee" I can't tell). I feel my heart will burst sometimes with the sheer joy of my life at this moment!
I'm so blessed and happy to have 3 sons, ... God is great in His plan!
(Here's a quote that a friend shared, I love it and hope my boys stay close always, at least in spirit!)
There must be a special place in heaven for mothers of three sons. You certainly can tell them on earth. They’re those ladies with amused, bemused faces and an amazing tolerance for disaster – for they have learned that shouting doesn’t help.
No other combination of children, not even twins, can create so much chaos or camaraderie. Even the most introspective child will join the team – them against you – and like all good players, they encourage each other to bigger feats of daring.
We recommend the advice of so many successful mothers of three boys. Give them as much outdoor playtime as possible, and indoors, set up two rooms: one for sleeping, with nothing but beds and bureaus, and the other for playing, with much climbing equipment. With three children, one is bound to be quieter than the others and he probably will need a corner somewhere else.
You will be frazzled in the early years but when your boys grow up, we think you’ll find yourself perhaps more treasured than most other mothers.
I treasure every moment I'm given with my little "princes of men"! Thank-you God!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Random Moments (that I don't want to forget!)
It's the little things that I pray I'll remember in days and years to come...
The way my little love, Urizen, smiles with such sincerity when he and I gaze at each other. The way his baby laughter bubbles up, uncontainable, at random happenstances and odd occurences. The way his deep blue eyes seem to see into my soul and the way his love for me shows so clearly just makes my heart ache with happiness. The way in which his little tactile hands caress and explore everything, "feeling" the world as if his eyes simply aren't adequate teachers. Even his sensitivity and "scare reflex"... the drama if he's injured or startled ... such a dear little pumpkin!
The way my little love, Urizen, smiles with such sincerity when he and I gaze at each other. The way his baby laughter bubbles up, uncontainable, at random happenstances and odd occurences. The way his deep blue eyes seem to see into my soul and the way his love for me shows so clearly just makes my heart ache with happiness. The way in which his little tactile hands caress and explore everything, "feeling" the world as if his eyes simply aren't adequate teachers. Even his sensitivity and "scare reflex"... the drama if he's injured or startled ... such a dear little pumpkin!
Friday, February 4, 2011
My Heaven
This is my Church, my Temple, my "Holy of Holy's". Gazing into my baby's eyes, ...his smile completely overwhelming his face. How incredibly blessed I am at this moment. If I had a life that was slated to end tomorrow I would be the entirely fulfilled.
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