It's late and I must get to bed, this "cold" (or something ) has been hanging on for a month now!!! This weekend was so lovely though, sleeping in, hanging out with my boys at the pool, just enjoying the beautiful Midwest spring!
Tonight had three lovely moments that I want to remember, ...
First, little Urizen, after brushing teeth, ran out on the deck. The crescent moon hung over the variegated maple and the gusts of wind blew the trees in the twilight. "Mama, ... come!" his little voice exclaimed. "Mama, hold you????" he said endearingly, reaching up to me. I leaned down and he leapt into my arms, clinging with legs and arms like a tiny primate to my torso. I walked outside and looked up. "There" he pointed... "Up??? There???... Walk? ... FUN?!?!?" As he said this his little right leg stretched out and away and up to the sky.
Urizen ADORES the moon, and looks for it every time he's outside. He already knows that it doesn't appear during the day, but if he's outside and it's nearing nightfall, he searches the sky, straining to see where it might be. It's as if it's a friend or a magical thing to be taken hold of. I wonder if his future hold some unimagined connection to "Lune'". Only the future will tell. .... I will hold on to this glorious memory, and forever feel the way it was to hold him and adore God's creation together!
And Tennyson, ... you were tired tonight my love. You had a day of new experiences. The waterslide at the RAC, ... more daring swimming and jumping than you had in the past, ... lots of sun and water and fun. Once we'd FINALLY gotten you and your brothers in bed and I was snuggled between you and Urizen, I thought you'd relax and get the rest your little body needed. After prayers and while singing "Tender Shepherd" however, you were still squirming. You kept putting your hand on my arm and I thought you were reaching for my hand, when I tried to shake you off and grab your hand, you lost it. In tears you cried at me for not letting you hold my arm! I tried to explain my misunderstanding, but to no avail. You were too tired and too distraught at my perceived dismissal of affections. My heart ached, and I realized there was no way of convincing you that I hadn't understood. I tried a different tactic of singing a made up song of our day and dreaming about things you love. ... "Flying with Peter Pan, dancing with Winnie the Pooh, battling with Pokemon, talking with Ben 10, ....traveling to Mars and Venus and the farthest galaxy, the places you can visit and the people you can see when you are dreaming"... you stopped crying and listened for a while, but then tears sprang anew and you sobbed "it's just so wonderful, that song makes me cry! You are singing about so many nice things!"
Ah, my little sensitive one. My one prayer for you lately is that you know, REALLY know how much you are loved and what an amazing person you are. I worry that you hold things in and while on the outside don't seem to be bothered by things, you really internalize them and don't think that well of yourself. I pray that is not the case and only a mother's overprotective concern!
Tomorrow I will try to have some special time with just you, my middle child, dear one of my heart!
And Xander, strong so much of the time. You are an amazing little man already. I know your dad and I expect much of you and probably don't let you "be a kid" as much as we should. I hope this summer you can have some unhindered "boy time" and just let loose and be crazy and free! How I feel so horrible when the few times you want "closeness" is when it's not really possible! Tonight you once again wanted to snuggle in bed with Tennyson, and Urizen and I. Four bodies just won't fit in that twin bunk, Urizen falls out as it is. I tried to explain that we could try a different sleeping situation in the summer, ... but you too were worn out from today and just too tired. I know you handled it though and went to sleep well. Thank-you my little love, growing up so fast, for all you do to "take care" of me and help me! I hope you know how VERY much you are appreciated and loved!
Well, I must sleep or I'll never get better! I love you my three "little men", ... now to go snuggle with my Love.
xoxoxoxo your "Mama"
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