The end of "babyhood"

5 weeks, ... only a bit more than a month and your little boy-hood is officially over. School and friends and your own identity, separate from my own. I know you will soar, and yet still I worry, and obsess and I imagine all the ways in which I might do things differently.

My Xanderman, ... you are growing up so fast and I just pray every day that I've "done enough", ... that I don't miss the opportunities that I have with you. I can't believe it's been nearly 6 years we've had together! (Oh my, ... 10 more years and you're DRIVING! How is that possible! In less time than your dad and I have know each other, you'll be about ready to start college! OH DEAR, ... I feel the tears coming.) It's so amazing to watch you grow up and see your development, ... and yet at the same time it's so scary, ... and crazy, ... that my baby will be "gone". Still, every day I revel in your accomplishments, and I embrace the independence and am glad for it. (When you're too "needy" some days, I just wish you would be more self sufficient!) But then I get nostalgic and I think of holding you for the first time, as your eyes looked into mine, I was "in love" for life!

I still remember how it felt to hold you as you nursed, ... to snuggle you in tight as you fell asleep, ... I'm sad that you don't remember nursing really. I'd hoped you would! You were 3 and a half when you stopped and you loved it so. I wonder if we were right in "encouraging" you to stop!?!?!? We left it up to you and told you that when you were ready, we'd have a "Stop Nursing Party" and you'd get cupcakes and a "big boy" present. You understood and nursed for two more days, then wanted to have the "party". You loved picking out Star Wars cupcakes and you got a HUGE Batman Lego set as a gift. You were "ok" that night and went to sleep without nursing, but the next night you were so sad! It was SO hard for me to stand firm and insist that you had decided :( I hope I did the right thing, and that you weren't negatively affected! (I'm sure some day you'll read this and laugh at your 'worrying" mother!)
I love that you still remember (a little) what it was like. You'll say it was warm and soft and safe, ... and that it tasted like watermelon! :) And that you liked it better than cupcakes! (Which for you is saying a lot!)

Oh, my Xander... I pray that God gives you a glorious future and that you always remain close! I love you so much and I hope you have the most amazing life ever!