These last few days of our week long "stay-cation" have been wonderful and also sad to say the least.
We said goodbye to Gizmo on June 20th. Poor little guy, he'd had a hard time of it the last few months and had finally stopped eating. It was so hard to watch, and my heart ached every time I saw Sebastian trying to get him to eat something, anything throughout the day. He was such a sweet member of our family, ... our "armchair" leopard, ... the first anniversary present I gave Sebastian, ... the "baby" we had before we had babies!
Sebastian and I went together to the vet. Gizmo was calm and not in pain, (we'd given him a pain med on Tuesday), he seemed like he knew, even on the ride there, ... he didn't "cry" or "talk" like he usually did in the car. I think he knew Sebastian was there and that somehow, this was all as it should be. He'd had a lot of time outside in the sun the last few days, enjoying the warmth of the deck and the heat of the summer. I'm so glad he made it past the winter. He was such a desert cat and loved the heat and sun on his fur.
I'm so glad Sebastian was with me in letting him go, ... though I know how hard it was on him. My Love, you said good bye to one of your best friends, ...I wish you could have "held" him longer!
Thursday we took a "day off" and went on an impromptu trip to the zoo :) The boys had a blast and it was sheer joy to see little Urizen dancing and jumping with glee when he saw the penguins swimming, the prairie dogs "hopping" and the goats clamoring for affection! He's at the perfect age for the zoo and hopefully we can get back there a few more times this year!
There were so many moments yesterday that stood out for me, ... how big Xander has gotten, how Tennyson too has grown, yet is still "little": crying over spilled ice cream and a bit scared of the Dinosaur exhibit. All the boys were a joy though, and I hope I always remember their laughter and squeals of joy running through the playground area, climbing and sliding and spinning and "discovering"! The fountains at the end of the day were wonderful, the boys were overjoyed when I told them to "go for it" and get wet :) (Unbeknownst to them, I'd brought a change of clothes for each). Urizen keeps up with his brothers at every turn and seemed to never tire of the "fun". His little body seems to handle the cold better than his brothers, (like me perhaps?) and he just kept running and getting soaked and then going back for more! It was such fun to watch, the three boys were like the tide, running away, dancing and splashing and then all three coming back for "re-assurance" or just the joy of sharing :)... Somehow they would all return at the same time every time, ... It makes me think/ hope that someday this little play will be re-enacted on a grander scale and they will all return "home" to us and share their lives with us periodically and often!
It's been such a nice relaxing week "off': Sebastian off of work, Xander on summer break, Kris here and no Zack for day-care. I know the boys have enjoyed the afternoon swims at the RAC and the time we've had with them. I wish it was longer, one more day and it's back to "work". I guess it's just the way I'm wired, but I feel like the days pass and even though I'm home with my loves, I never have enough time with just them, with each soul in my care. I find myself occupied with meals and laundry, shopping and chauffering to lessons, paying bills and taking care of kitties, trying to think about the future and at the same time trying to carve a niche in the never-ending organizing and de-cluttering and cleaning of daily life. Add to that the inevitable home repairs, leaky faucets, old doorknobs, ants in the walls, plants to transplant and the yard to care for, I could go on and on. I never seem to get to a place where I feel like I'm "caught up"! And yet, that is life, that is the journey I am on, and I only pray that my boys will remember times spent laughing and playing, learning and listening, helping and discovering. Hopefully their memories won't be only of the tediousness of me nagging to "pick up" and "eat your vegetables" and "don't argue with your brothers" and "please! just do your homework/school/practice without complaining?!?!?". Motherhood is so amazing and so much my fulfillment. I revel in and cherish each snuggle and each "I love you mama", and I wish I could keep them little forever!. But I also love how Xander and Tennyson have grown and how wonderful they each are as individuals and I love watching Urizen follow in their footsteps.
My prayer tonight is for joy and laughter and summer fun and happy memories of the all encompassing love Sebastian and I have for our three little guys. Thank-you Lord for this life and please give me many more years with my boys :)
“Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well.”
―
George R.R. Martin,
A Game of Thrones
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